Saturday, January 26, 2008

Assholes live forever -- the story


My seemingly only reader Dave, (and don't think I don't see you lurkers who never comment) wondered about the context of the 'assholes live forever". So here's the story.....

When I was a police officer, working midnight shift, one night we got a call of a stabbing. It seems that the dirtbag asshole victim was auguring with his mother's dirtbag asshole boyfriend. And the DBAH boyfriend stabbed him with a screwdriver.

The DGAH victim gets air lifted to the trauma center 25 mile away and I get to go collect the hospital evidence. By the time I get to the hospital, DGAH victim has been moved from the ER to the OR. I get escorted to the OR and am told the victim's clothes that I have to collect are in the surgery room. At this point the nurse says the magic words "Do you want to go in a get them?"

Hell yes I do! She gets me dressed up in a paper like Oompa Loompa (original Gene Wilder Oompa Loompa, not the creepy Johnny Depp one) jumpsuit that fits over my uniform, gun belt and all, along with the booties, gloves, mask and head cover .

I get in the OR and collect my bag of clothes. And continue to stand there like some kind of moron. The Dr. and I have a conversation about the victim. He had a 3 cm stab wound in his abdomen. In order to make sure none of his organs were perforated, the Dr. cut him open from below his sternum to the top of his pelvis. I find that ironic that his surgery scar is bigger than his stab would.

The conversation turns to general topics, like our jobs and the Dr. tells me to be safe. Now is where we have the statement that dirtbags like this guy will live forever, but good people die young.

During this entire time, the Dr. is looking over this guy's intestines for perforations. When he finishes he just dumps the intestines back into the abdominal cavity. Now I'm not Dr. but I've seen a few anatomy text books and I thought that those things had a place. I don't maybe there's something similar to a hose roller in there. So with all the knowledge of a semester of biology, I ask the Dr. "Hey, don't those have a place?"

Luckily he did not call me an idiot. He said that they just float in there and then said more magic words "Do you want to see?"

Hell yea!! I got the approach the table and the Dr. showed me the liver, and the stomach, and the appendix and the intestines.

It was great. Now if I could have flown on the helicopter my career would have been complete. But, that's another story.

6 comments:

Dave said...

Sonja's Mom reads you.

SonjaB said...

Valid, but she comments more on your site than mine.

SonjaB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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