News from the Job Hunt

The hunting part is over for now. Its down to 2 choices....Bailiff at the local Sheriff's Office or academy coordinator at a training center in the next county over. I think I'm going with bailiff. This has been a very stressful decision, this whole thing has been stressful. So, here's how it works out:

Money: Bailiff is a pretty big pay cut, where as the academy job would be right around that I'm making now. I discussed this with husband and he seems to be ok with the pay cut. He manages the money, so I have to believe him.

Drive Time: Both jobs require my own vehicle. The academy job is about 1 - 1.5 hrs each way. Bailiff is about 20-30 minutes each way. With gas being $2.87 a gallon here, I think the shorter drive is the best. Besides we all know about my ADD/driving issues

Movement/promotional opportunities: The academy is not nearly as big as where I'm at now. Just a director, 3 coordinators and a staff assistant. Not alot of room for movement. Being a Bailiff gets me into the Sheriff's office and gives me some more opportunities to move perhaps to training or the psych. services later on. Plus I get to maintain my law enforcement certification without taking on extra work.

Stress Level: Academy coordinator = Higher stress; Bailiff= lower stress. Yes, with Bailiff I would be in what's called a High Risk category, but from what I hear the stress is pretty low. Also, I know the Capt. out there and he's a great guy to work for.

All in all, I think the Bailiff position is the best fit right now. Sure the money sucks, but I'll get to focus on finishing my degree, take some time to reorganize and de-stress. Either way I'm a nut case, because I hate change. But everything happens for a reason, right, so lets all just double up on our Prozac and hang on for the ride.

Tuesday Moment of Zen

Dumbest thing heard today

On the Discovery Channel's Future Weapons, while talking about military GPS capability....

"The military has far better GPS systems then the general public"

Well I would certainly fucking hope so. Its nice to know that the military isn't using Tom Tom to find their target.

Billards & Poker

So what the hell ......Husband and I were flipping channels tonight in between programs and husband says go to Billiards. Billiards, OK sure I understand that....8 ball; 9 ball, I can do that for a minute. So we're watching what I thought was 9 ball, right, 9 balls, into the pockets in numerical order, sure I get that. So then one guy misses his shot and then out of nowhere this other guy PICKS UP THE BALL, rubs it off and GIVES IT to the 2nd shooter, who then proceeds to put it anywhere he wants on the table, shoots the 9 ball in the pocket (without shooting 1-8) and wins the game. What the fuck....Oh and the by the way, was called an hand. Why you might ask? Because we were watching Texas Hold 'em Billiards.

Which brings me to my next point (not that there seemed to be a first point, whatever). Who the fuck came up with that. Texas Fucking Hold 'em Billiards. When exactly did Texas Hold 'em become the end all and be all of games (not sports people, poker and billiards are not sports, I don't care what ESPN says) Were was I? Oh yea...I still don't understand Texas Hold 'em poker (not do I want to).

I'm just saying, quit fucking with classic games like poker and pool. It confuses the rest of us, and just pisses us off.

I choked on a flamingo because the voices told me to.

Ok, I stole (appropriated) this from Jenny Haha over at Flaw & Disorder. I just thought it was great an had to bring it over. As I said in her comments, I collect Flamingos and occasionally do what the voices tell me.

Pick the month you were born. Pick the day (number) you were born. Pick the color of shirt you are wearing. Now type out the sentence you made using the answers below:

Pick the month you were born:
January----------I kicked
February--------I loved
March------------I punched
April---------------I swam with
May---------------I choked on
June---------------I murdered
July----------------I did the Macarena with
August-----------I had lunch with
September------I danced with
October----------I sang to
November-------I yelled at
December-------I ran over

Pick the day ( number) you were born on:
1----- --a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a Mexican
6-------a flamingo
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10------my neighbor
11------my science teacher
12------a banana
13------a fireman
14------a stuffed animal
15------a goat
16------a pickle
17------a squirrel
18------a spoon
19------myself
20------a baseball bat
21------a ninja
22------a snowman
23------a noodle
24-- ----your mom
25------a football player
26------my sister
27------my brother
28------an ipod
29------a permanent marker
30------a llama
31------a zombie

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White----------because I'm very pretty.
Black----------because that's how I play.
Pink------------because I'm cool like that.
Red-------------because the voices told me to.
Blue------------because I can see the future.
Green----------because I love to boogie.
Purple----------because your mom's cool.
Gray------------because the voices in my head told me to.
Yellow---------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange---------because I tripped over my house
Brown----------because I love my pillow.
Other-----------because I'm a ninja.
None-----------because I can't control myself

Job Hunting & Neediness

Job Hunting Sucks. Yea its all fun and games when you have a job and are just looking, but when you actually have to find a job it sucks monkey butt. There are all kinds of jobs open when you don't need one, but as soon as you have to find a job, there seems to be no openings. I have applied for two things in my field in the public sector and spoke to a friend in the private sector about working for him.

I am also finding it harder and harder to get out of bed and come to the current job that I will not have in 3 months. Depression is fun.

Just for the record though this is really just a pathetic ploy for sympathy and to have all you nice people say nice things about me. Please see it for what it is. I'm needy right now. I hate being needy. I have to keep reminding husband that this clingy, neediness will pass, but right now I'm Velcro wife.

So in order to give husband some rest, everybody fulfill my needy desires today. Husband thanks you and I thank you.

Spring Fling

I hate Spring! Oh yea, the weather is great and pretty things are blooming and cute fuzzy animals are being born, blah, blah, blah.

Along with the blooming though is a higher pollen count. I can't breathe, my head hurts. I feel like crap. Thank the heavens for pharmaceuticals. I would die without the aid of Flonase, and Allegra. Maybe if it gets really bad I can add an OTC drug too. God I love Spring.

Of course it could be worse, a co-worker of my spent the entire day sneezing his head off. He must have sneezed a million time today.

The weather is great though....

Buster in the Freezer

I haven't blogged in a week and all of a sudden I have 4 ideas floating out there. Two in draft form. This one however just had to be written....

The hubby and I went to my parents' for dinner tonight since my brother is in town. He brought the dog. We started discussing his best friend's boxer, and my mother asks "Is Buster still in the freezer?" This begs 2 questions: Who is Buster and why is he in the freezer?

Buster was apparently the friend's first dog. When Buster died, the friend did not want to bury it in the back yard because he thought he might be moving soon and would have to dig the dog up and move it (WTF). They also thought they wanted a necropsy to see if the vet did something wrong. Anyway, they put the dog in a drop freezer and then never moved, or had a necropsy. And now the freezer has become some kind of shrine. The dog has been in the freezer for like 2 years.

I stated the obvious that they should have the dog cremated and that solves the moving problem since they aren't doing the necropsy. Apparently my brother's friend won't do that, so Buster just sits in the freezer wrapped in a blanket my mother made for the family.

This was much funnier when my brother told it. Also the above is a picture of my brother's dog Logan, not Buster.

The follow up story is about the dead German in my parent's back yard....

Now its really, really official

At 10:00am EST today I was informed that my contract was not being renewed (we don't fire people here) and that as of June 30, I would no longer have a job. The kicker is that when I asked the big boss the reason, I was told "I don't really know, that is an HR issue and you will have to discuss it with them".

Ummmm, your the head of this campus and you recommended the termination and you can't tell me why you are firing me? WTF!!??

So the job hunt begins, I have 2 months. If you hear of anything, let me know.

Monday Moment of Zen

I give to you, your educational Monday Moment of Zen...the crack spider.

Its official

Well, it's official, I'm being fired.

Ok well not official and not quite fired but saying that "I'm unofficially getting a 6 month contract for performance review" is long and lacks the drama of the opening sentence.


I was told last Friday by a little bird that was not getting a contract this year, which is the same as being fired. When I confronted my boss, this is how the conversation went:

Me: I hear that some people are not getting contracts this year, I was just wondering if I was one of them.

Spineless Jelly Fish: Who have you been talking to?

ME: Ummm, what?

SJF: I don't know that you're not getting a contract, last I heard you're getting a 6 month review contract.

ME: Ummmm, Why?

SJF: You had a deficient file on your last audit.

ME: (Like you did last year?) Well is anybody else getting this review? (Like the guy who has been written up by the State 6 times in the last 18 months?)

SJP: You know I can't tell you that.

ME: So the last 8 years of service mean nothing?

Supervisor: Well you know better than I do that you probably ran a foul of someone on the contract committee. (Read the guy who was written up 6X)

ME: Ummmm, were you going to tell me? (Or stand up for me for that matter?)

SJF: Well, (squirm) I was waiting for official word.

ME: Ummm, ok great, thanks.

SJF: Well now, lets' talk about this (Do you not like me now?)

ME: Nothing to discuss, going back to work.

The thing about a 6 month contract is that you will never get a full contract. They will find a reason to fire you.

So here are my thoughts and theories:

1. The college president is trying to destroy our police training programs. We're
not academic enough (even though many of us have Master's degrees and some of us have Doctorate's..for shame). If he a show that we are losing money and are incompetent, he can move his precious BAS degree and get rid of the rest of the "blue collar trash"

2. Karma can be a bitch.

3. In times of trouble, you find out who your real friends are. (yea its a given)

For Wendy

Good luck with the 2 yr old herding.

Open letter to the guy I cut off on the interstate today

Dear Guy,

First I would like to apologize for cutting you off this morning. I realize that it was my fault and take full responsibility for my action...Well not full responsibility, in my defense your car was small and the color of concrete, so that even though I looked and signaled, I could not see you.

The main point here is that once I realized my error, I immediately attempted to apologize by raising my hand to you. I know that this can look like a "thank you" sign which would have been clearly inappropriate. I made a second attempt to say "I'm sorry" when you passed me. At 75mph, and at great risk to my life, I looked at you and and said "I'm Sorry". Now because we were doing 75mph and you were clearly enraged ( as evidenced by the very hostile look in your eye), you may not have processed this apology. That being said I feel it was very rude of you to roll down your window and give me the finger as you exited the freeway.

I really felt bad about cutting you off, more than I probably should have. I mean it's not like I killed you or ran over your puppy or anything. It was an honest mistake. I attempted to apology and your response was rude and inappropriate. Since you decided to be a complete asshat, my hope for you is that you are rear ended in your small ugly car by a drunk wit no driver's license, insurance and no visible means of income.

Yours truly,
SB

Bacon

I didn't think it was possible,but bacon really tastes better cooked in a cast iron skillet.

(that's it, I got nothing else today)

Monday Moment of Magic

I was talking with one of my instructors today who advised that since he was teaching a class for me for the first time, he would probably end up doing some magic like,pulling a rabbit out of a hat. So in honor of Joe and the start of the NASCAR season, I give you your Monday Moment of Magic

Home Sweet Home

Well I made it home alive. It was a long trip and I have to ask if anyone has ever experienced or felt like this.....

Your driving 5.5 hours home after being away for a week. About three hours into the drive your ass goes numb, at about the same time you feel the urge to pee, but don't want to stop because everything you drive by looks nasty. You also realize that there is a Shell station in every small, Podunk town along the interstate, except for when you actually need to get gas, and for some reason some old guy feels that it is very appropriate to drive 30 mph on a State road that has a posted speed limit of 55 and you can't get around him because nobody will let you over even though you have had your signal on for 2 miles, and you finally pull into the next BP station to get $10 worth of gas so you can JUST get home only to find a Shell station 1 more mile up the road...and just when you think you are home, less that 1 mile, you end up behind a cab driver who apparently just moved to this county (or country) and keeps braking and slowing...and you actually feel the psychotic break occur and the usually quiet voices in your head, many unnamed but some with names like Killer, Bubba and Roy decide that if the cabbie brakes for no reason one more time you are all going to run him off the road into a ditch and then as a group beat the living shit out of him......

Ever had the feeling? Yea me neither....

For Ryan....

One of my favorite and oh so true sayings. BTW, I've been in this hotel room for threes days and just realized that the chair was a lounger....and yet still no Starbucks.

I drive home tomorrow, 5.5 hours, by myself.... wish me luck.

A world without Starbucks

I think I may have an unhealthy relationship with Starbucks, but we'll get back to the. So I'm in the State capital, 5.5 hours away from home for the week. I'm attending a work conference, so I'm in a hotel, without my hubby (who needs a new blog nickname) and here are some observations:

--I should not be allowed to drive by myself for 5.5 hours. I am way to ADD for that. There seriously needs to be someone else driving so I can look at at signs and shit. Most people don't take ADD seriously, but they don't understand....look a chicken

--If you are holding a conference you should tell "people" ahead of time that there is a group dinner one night. This way "people" bring at least 2 nice shirts. I know that as a woman it is expected that I pack everything I own for a 1 week trip, but I'm not your typical woman. I mean I only own like 4 pair of shoes ( not including boots; boots don't count). As it is I had to schlep to the mall to buy a shirt that is casual but not not t-shirt casual but not dressy either.

--One would think that in the State capital, a major college town, there would be a Starbucks on every corner (see I told you we would get back to it). But no, the only one I can find is in the mall and that's not open at 7am. And for the record, the Starbucks website should not say there are three close to my hotel if there are not. (yes, I'm that pathetic, I spent 20 minutes looking for one online) I think I need Starbucks rehab..."Hi, my name is Sonja, and I'm an addict"..."Hi Sonja"

Yes a world with out Starbucks is a sad, dangerous, barbaric place...

Too old for the fair?

I went to the State fair yesterday. The weather was perfect and I love the fair. The greasy, not remotely good for you food, the animals, the crafts. I love it all. But I discovered that I may be too old for the fair. Not that the fair has passed me by, cows and goats are cows and goats. (BTW, we got to see a 2 hour old calf, he was adorable) My point is that after walking around for 5 hours, I feel today like I did 40 squats. My legs hurt, my knees hurt, my ass even hurts. It sucks. I like to think of myself as young at heart, but my body disagrees. Getting old bites.

Disappointment Abounds

So, yesterday was a very, very disappointing workday. Many things were expected, none of which happened. Now you might be thinking that these were good things, like a promotion or a raise or my arch nemesis dropping dead...of that one is kind of close.

1. Our state inspector, after having been notified of improper training being conducted (not by me, the training or the notification), was supposed to 'stop by' in an attempt to catch said improper behavior. He showed up, got made and everybody played by the rules.

2. Had a meeting where I was sure my boss would ask me about why I hadn't made money on a particular training class. I had a whole speech/rant/meltdown prepared about how I would have except that the big boss told the training company we weren't interested in making money, so how the fuck am I supposed to make my quota if I keep getting sabotaged up the chain. And yes I am perfectly willing to have a complete meltdown and scream at my boss...we have already established this Anyway he never asked.

3. I fully expected to be called into my supervisor's office and accused of trying to get the other unit in trouble with the state inspector (see #1). Why did I expect this (and still do), because I was accused of "ratting out" (their words not mine) this person last time her unit was written up by the state. I did not do so last time (that can be proved) and absolutely did not this time . But I was not accused, however I don't put it past anyone not to do it 6 months.

So all in all it was very disappointing, I was ready for a fight and didn't get it. When I want something done right at my office I get false accusations and disapproving setbacks; when I want false accusations and disapproving setbacks, I get nothing.

Oh well I'm going to the fair tomorrow....